a realization..

“Forgetting the feelings that you have for someone is one of the most difficult things is life. For the greatest battles are not fought in the most dangerous battlefields but in the heart.”

I have read this line from a school paper and I just can’t help to smile knowing that this was written by a student. Her article was about “Holding on and Letting Go”. This girl must have fallen in love so early to write such stuff. Or she must have been through a very deep heartache to realize such thought. Funny coz I can perfectly recall that when I was her age I don’t give a single damn about love and being hurt. All I care is assignments, movies, cartoons, food, and sleeping..

As we all know, time passes by, people grow, fall in love, and get hurt. Like any other normal being, I experience a lot of pain. I had cuts from playing skipping rope, had bruises from running here and there, had injury from falling from the trees, and had muscle pain from bicycle accidents. But none of these can ever compare to the heart aches I’ve been through.

I have experienced a lot in my 24 years of living. I felt how crazy and difficult it is being a part a broken family. The shame and complexity of living in two different stones banging each other for the quest of pity pride. I felt how it is to be executed by your own conscience because of being carried away from anger and loosing someone in times that you least expected it to be. I felt the deadly feeling of loosing a family member without having the chance to say sorry. Yes, I went through all of this and these made me vulnerable and strong at the same time.

Now I am struggling to new emotional difficulties. Pressure from the career that I chose, pressure from the realities of life, pressure from unattained ambitions, and hurting from my beloved ones.

Indeed physical pain is far less than the pain in the heart that I have experience. Emptiness and disappointments are the greatest that sometimes I thought I could not bear. Especially if I can do nothing about it. For we have different feeling and emotions. And we cannot force someone to treat us on how we wish to be treated. Life is just like that. You’re lucky if you will be loved.

But regardless of what is, I have learned to always remember that I am not living for myself alone. I have responsibilities to fulfill and friends to be paid attention to. The most dangerous battlefield might be the heart, but still I believe t hat heart can still be overruled by the mind. So it is just all up to me.

what i want, what i am, who will i become...

For the past years of my life i have been struggling... always worried about finances, school activities, family, and a lot more concerns.. til i finished up college and started to work.. still i had a lot of troubles. always wishing for a stress free working environment. no phone calls to attend to, no paper works, just work for only eight hours, no uniforms, and work with friends.. luckily i am not into this.. finally i quit my stressful job, and had a new one, having all of these that i have wished for. but why is it that i am worried? as if felt like it's just too good to be true. uneasy and restless that it wont last long...

my friend's departure was moved a month to its scheduled date. and i was happy.. very happy that i will still have a lot of time with him. but why do i feel I'm alone. what's wrong with me? huh!i wanna sleep all day but i can't..hope i'll get over this.. i really hope..

i wonder what will i become.. wanna have my own place.. wanna feel solemnity.. wanna have privacy.. free from rascals and big mouths.. again i hope to. i really hope it'll be... soon..

Time flies fast…

May, ended, June passed and now it’s already July!!

It’s been a while since I last documented events in life. June has been a very memorable one. Lot’s had happened… June 3, was the birthday of my bf, June 24 was my bday, and it was also in June when I got into a whirlwind situation of tendering my very much looked forwarded resignation..

Yes, after two years of being connected with BC family, an opportunity came and without further elaboration, I decided to leave the institution. In the past 2 years I have learned a lot being with the most brilliant, intelligent, wise, and friendly people.. Truly memorable..

Now its time to move on for a new opportunities…

Looking forward for a better tomorrow. May God bless me..

My beloved ring…

I have these two rings given to me by my Mom when I was still in third year high school. Since then I have been wearing it and that was more or less 8 years ago. By now I can hardly remove it for I feel bare without it in my hands. I remembered when I was in college, a classmate told me that I should not put rings in my ring fingers because there was this hearsay that this blocks my love life. She said that this will keep me away from men. I just laugh at it coz I don’t cling to superstitious beliefs. Funny though, I had this long time suitor who turned out to be her boyfriend. After college, I had my very first boyfriend. Unfortunately, he left for a job overseas so to cut the story short, the relationship didn’t work.

Our superiors in work advised us, (being all girls and singles in the office) to really pray to God to give us a loving man to be a partner in life. According to her, we should really pray for it so as not to fall into wrong persons. We just laughed at it again and decided to follow their advice. However, due to some busy schedule or just a mere act of stubbornness I really never had the time to pray for my love life. But a phone call came to me this morning with a friend and told me a story that she know a girl who have been in a relationship wherein she never felt being loved by her boyfriend. My immediate reaction is this, “why keep on holding a one way relationship??” But at the back of my mind, what if the same situation happens to me. Woman as I am, I am vulnerable to these kind of affair for who am I to be excluded. But a big no, no… A certain denial came in to me. Before going to work, I decided to drop by the church to have a moment of talk to my one precious and only LISTENER. I lighted a candle and prayed.

Consequently I noticed that the stone in my ring is gone. I remembered still seeing it this morning. I felt bad noticing it for as I have said, it has been with me for years. What does it mean?? Was it just a coincidence? I really can’t tell.

To love and to be loved, that’s all remains to be seen not only for me but for all of us. But the more important thing is that, we should entrust everything to HIM. For He knows what and who is the best for us…

An Illusionary Recreation

A friend of mine has been asking me to have a day off and just enjoy. Hands-off from the computer, get out of the house, do what I want to do and go where I want to go. But I’m a realistic type of a person. Not having the luxury of time & financial practicality considerations, I believe that’s way too far from possibility. However, I’m imaginative too. So I guess a little bit of fantasy won’t do any harm... Hmm... Let me walk you through my flight of imagination.

In one good day of the Lord, the President declared a three day non-working holiday, a gift for hardworking Filipinos. (Whoaah, I wonder who would that be??) And to my surprise, I received a phone call. The person calling is an employee of the department store where I bought a bottle of lotion (quite possible since I’m not comfortable w/o oneyuo inside my bag) informing me that I am the winner of P20, 000.00 cash for their anniversary raffle.(yes! This would be my first time to win any form of raffle coz I’m more on the unlucky type. Haha). We’ll then, all are settled. One perfect recreation coming up!

First stop, camera shop! Need to have one cute digital camera to capture the happy moments.

Next destination, IGACOS (Island Garden City of Samal) to Isla Reta. I have been wanting to go to this place. I’ve heard a lot of things about this resort. One of my friends told me that’s its really nice. A very natural place good for snorkeling (one of the beach activities that I enjoy the most. I will be staying overnight to do my routine every time I’m in a beach. Walk into the darkness of the seashore and just gaze to the stars. (not thinking of anything but appreciating its solemnity). In the morning, wake up early and witness the beauty of the sunrise. After that, swimming, picture taking, eating, sleeping etc.

Next venue, go south, speed ahead for a less than 5 hour land travel to Lake Sebu. My officemate, a local of General Santos City told me that the place is composed of 7 huge falls. (Whahh I can’t wait to see it in person!!!) I haven’t seen waterfalls in person yet.. Good Lord please let me see your creation. I want to experience nature again. Pls..pls..pls..

Now, I think I’ll be all filled up.. Head back to home again.. But before that, I’ll have a visit to the Shrine of the Holy Infant Jesus of Prague.. attend mass and thank God for everything. Appreciate the place for a while and go home.

Upon reaching home, immediately hook up to the internet, make a blog and share my adventure. And then, sleep, sleep, sleep.. By then, I’ll be ready to go back to the basics..

What a perfect imaginative adventure!!!